Twitter Interviews the Author

It’s gonna get cranky. Not cute cranky, either. If you resemble any of these remarks, reconsider your life. Don’t come screaming at me. I’ve obviously got my own issues.

It’s something I’ve noticed since I’ve gotten a little (and only a little) more proactive with my Twitter account, so I don’t know how long this Ask a Question to Spur Engagement with Your Fellow Narcissists Who Can’t Stop Talking About Themselves and Build a Community/ Fanbase thing has been going on. “Long enough, and with no reason to quit” is likely the correct answer. 

Aside from joining in the occasional #writersboost in which I’m encouraged to post links to my books and blog, I generally roll my eyes and keep on scrollin’. That is, until a couple of days without a blogpost, and I realize I’ve got a minor motherlode of material to work with on my Twitter feed.

As you can see, my answers take longer than average Tweets. I like having room to stretch my legs and throw my fists. With a respectful nod to the spectre of my spiritual uncle Harlan Ellison, who haunts these proceedings:
 
Without actually saying your age, what’s something you do or say that gives away your age?

It’s the same thing that gives away my ethnicity and social background: my taste in music. Mostly “Dad rock,” which should probably be called “Grandpa rock” by now. No hip-hop, only a smidge of country, and very little of anything else made and released after Y2K. 

I like some instrumental jazz, but mainly the kind normal jazz fans hate, the melodic, atmospheric, expressive “smooth” stuff. Jazz is one of those things often ruined by its fanbase. For instance, whenever I read of someone boasting how he listens to “Miles,” i.e., Miles Davis, the racist, wife-beating trumpet-tooter adored by smug, politically liberal, pseudo-intellectual white guys everywhere, I’ve got good idea what I’m in for. Saying they listen to Miles, or [name that keeps coming up here] is a tribal callout by way of weird virtue signalling, and all opinions are consensus approved—and vigorously enforced.

Grandpa is old enough to remember when modern music was rebellion, a stand against the crooked established order. Now it’s about conformity to fashion and—just as critical—attitudinal poses. The delightful irony of it all is I don’t feel at all old or out of step because I don’t know who _______ is. They all look like they’ve been sharing the same outfit since 1992. Even sartorial fashions have fallen inert.

You want a controversial opinion? After a certain age, say, 16, you shouldn’t take your identity from the musical entertainment you listen to consume. It was bad enough in college when you had young men and women in their early 20s going around with their noses in the air because they listened to _________ and were therefore cooler than thou. I probably have to explain how silly this is, which is why we’ll stop here.

Cranky author is cranky, but these summer evening skies after a thunderstorm look ready to get full-on apocalyptic with us. That’s why I thought they would make great image macros for dramatic excerpts from my books. Which is to say, you’ll be seeing these photos again, but with grim narrative typed all over ‘em.

Name a band or artist on your #writing playlist this week.

Although I have made playlists specific to the series I’m writing, I don’t have a “writing playlist.” Just music I like in the background while I work. I could as well be replacing someone’s front brakes or reconciling a balance sheet. Typing up a bunch of stuff and hoping it all means something just happens to be what I do.

Oh, you want a name? I’ve got the first five of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s complete albums among the 2,000+ individual tracks on my computer’s hard drive. I said that to deliberately not impress you, though you would be impressed if you weren’t such a snotty little Philistine. I never get enough irony in my diet.


This is how I’m feeling this morning. Tell me how you feel in a .gif.

This is taking “show, don’t tell” to the extreme. As the young folks say, or, rather, peck into their phones, “lol no.”

Who knew the rood over a garage could look so ominous? Lighting and context define the shape. Only in July and August do you see skies like this.

Let’s do a positive #UnpopularOpinion! What is something you love that many people don’t like? 

“I like pineapples on pizza! Tee-hee!” Nice try, Twinkles. We all know no one is allowed to utter easily observable facts that refute popularly enforced opinions under pain of losing their livelihoods. I see this changing over the next couple of years, but for now..... 


Hit me with your most controversial movie opinion!

I generally hate sitting down to watch a movie. All artists are narcissists to varying degrees, but filmmakers believe they’re the most artistic and sensitive and smart and observant people in the world, and most can’t tell a simple story for tripping on their Big Message cards, e.g., “girls rule, boys drool,” “racism is bad, mm-kaaay?” That said, I did enjoy a couple of films that came out last year, but not enough to talk about them as if they were the most profound and moving things I’ve beheld since my children were born. They were nice date nights with my wife, that’s all.

As for the superhero stuff everyone is still getting worked up about, hey, you kids enjoy yourselves. You poorly accoutered 40- and 50-something year old kids...as for actual children, I don’t see how they could follow the average Avengers movie, of which I sat through the first two, and couldn’t begin to describe the plot of either. The irony here is I don’t even care what Martin Scorsese regards as what’s “cinema” and what’s not. Go back to the paragraph before this one and read the second line over. Then read it again.

To hell with Hollywood. I’m not even talking about the really nasty stuff that’s come to light in recent years.

It all broke up in time for a lovely starry night, with lightning on the north and eastern horizons.

What is one thing you know you need to work on/pay attention to when you are writing? 

The words on the screen in front of my face. Do they make sense? Do they paint a picture? Does that picture move? 

Was this a trick question?


For those #writers who are also #readers, do you read only in the same genre(s) you write? Or do you read anything you can get your hands on?

What? This is actually a good question. I can get an entire post from this. A calm, thoughtful, reasonable little thing we can all learn from. 

It’s settled, then. I’ll find some nice pictures to break up all the seething text above, and post this with the confidence that comes with knowing what’s next.