Those dead, soulless eyes that need half a jar of liner and kohl to make them “pop.” That flat, featureless, hatchet face. (She’ll be the stuff of witchy nightmares by age 40, if not earlier.) Finally — and this is the part that really puts me over the edge — that mouth of hers that hangs open idiotically when her face is at rest. The only thing between this sad parody of feminine pulchritude and Complete Catastrophic Aesthetic Failure is a huge banner tattoo across her chest. (And I can imagine the other mouth-breathers out there going, “Oooooh! She’d look so hawt with ink!”)
Fortunately, Kristen Stewart as Wonder Woman isn’t happening, but the thought is so appalling, it makes for a hilarious troll post. What the hell, anything to blow up the pageviews, right? Yeah, I’m that fuckin’ desperate.
Incidentally, I love how Lynda Carter is throwing the horns R.J. Dio/Russian style to ward off the Evil lurking behind those dead, soulless eyes.
Okay, I’ll get back to work, now.