Saturday, February 01, 2014

In Broncos Country on Super Bowl Eve

This South Park clip is closer to the truth than most people would believe. With a fanaticism normally reserved for college teams in the Deep South, everyone in Colorado is a Broncos fan. Everyone. If you live here, you’re a Broncos fan, or you keep your stupid pie-hole shut. That’s all there is to it.

It chills me to think how it would be around here if the Broncos lost tomorrow. Every other person you see has been wearing their Broncos gear all week. In the line at the liquor store tonight people were saying “Go Broncos!” by way of farewell, which reminded me of how some Germans in the 1930s and 1940s would say “Heil Hitler!” before hanging up the phone.  I even saw “BRONCOS” spelled out in multi-colored Christmas lights on a fence while driving home. 

That said, I still need some jalapeƱos for my wifes fantabulous poppers—and I have half a mind to wear my Seahawks hat to the Wal-Mart when I go out to pick some up tomorrow morning. (The hat was issued to us as part of our Welcome Aboard packet when we arrived at Naval Station Kitsap in Washington state in 2003; I wore it for the Seahawks ignominious defeat in Super Bowl XL in 2005.) I’d need a lapel camera or something like that to capture the looks on their faces before I find out who has the concealed carry permit and I have to bodily throw myself behind something. Seriously, I’m far less worried about fists being thrown. 

On top of all that, we’re getting our first real snow in, oh, since before I got here seven years ago. This entire state needs to sit home, smoke another kind of Colorado-grown Super Bowl, and calm down. It’s getting deeply weird out here.

Whoever came up with this splendidly paced meme should win the Internet equivalent of the Nobel Prize.