Saturday, May 11, 2013

How to Put Out a Fire on Your Lawn with the Bratty Bastard Who Started It

Today’s devotional is from Chapter 21, “The Battle of Oak Blossom Lane”:
By the prodigious spray it’s apparent the arteries aren’t convulsing shut. Good. I grab Brandon by the back of his shirt and shove him hard into the blazing privacy hedge. There’s a hissing like a fuse as the spurting blood drowns the flames. Stunned, Brandon falls to his knees and shrieks as the heat from the smoldering debris seals his wound with a crackling of seared flesh and steaming blood. The stench is gagging. Goddamn it, I’m so looking forward to living somewhere in post-undead apocalypse America that doesn’t stink like a bag of sour assholes. 

I love how this ends in a sorta-kinda prayer. An American™ Prayer! For a better America! One that doesn’t stink like a bag get the picture.

It’s a dream we all share. Kumbaya, bitches!