Another Life, Another Epiphany

Food & sex have since

betrayed my fat self sad

with the prospect of

having my heart broken at

last by children who will (at best)

move on to (justifiably) hate

me for bringing them into this

dull horror of routine anxieties

as the vague aches become

the sharp pains which become

the final sentence ending with

dot-dot-dot

beeeeeeeep! & all

for the same crap that (if

they’re lucky) brought me

down, food & sex &

bad genes & etc.

Anyway,
just so you know,

I’ve seen

what there is

to live for:

It’s the pale

pale blue

of the late

November

sky as the sun

melts behind

the tree-blackened

horizon.

This blue cannot be

compared to robin’s

eggs or even water,

blue watery pastel

qualities aside

it’s the pale blue of

yearning, the healthiest

truest ache you’ve

known since

working out your

last baby tooth

it’s something I must

bear witness to although

I understand how pointless

it is trying to explain it

while you’re wishing

you were the witless

dickweed who just drove by

in the low-slung car with the

spinning silver rims, stolen

melodies defaced by

rhyming insults over

lowing hellcow bass

causing my very ears to

grind their teeth &

reminding me of the

blessing my eventual

culling from this

idiot herd

will be

just keep those drugs handy

& quiet please

while I watch 

this light bleed out

only now do I realize

it was all that ever mattered

not the food 

not the sex nor the

anything else

I’m only sorry I never

caught this sooner.

from the forthcoming Nymphomagic Electroshock &
Other Middle-Aged Complaints (2011, 2017)