Monday, March 21, 2016

Another Life, Another Epiphany

Food & sex have since
betrayed my fat self sad
with the prospect of
having my heart broken at
last by children who will (at best)
move on to (justifiably) hate
me for bringing them into this
dull horror of routine anxieties

as the vague aches become
the sharp pains which become
the final sentence ending with
dot-dot-dot
beeeeeeeep! & all
for the same crap that (if
they’re lucky) brought me
down, food & sex &
bad genes & etc.

Anyway,
just so you know,
I’ve seen
what there is
to live for:

It’s the pale
pale blue
of the late
November
sky as the sun
melts behind
the tree-blackened
horizon.

This blue cannot be
compared to robin’s
eggs or even water,
blue watery pastel
qualities aside

it’s the pale blue of
yearning, the healthiest
truest ache you’ve
known since
working out your
last baby tooth

it’s something I must
bear witness to although
I understand how pointless
it is trying to explain it

while you’re wishing
you were the witless
dickweed who just drove by
in the low-slung car with the
spinning silver rims, stolen
melodies defaced by
rhyming insults over
lowing hellcow bass

causing my very ears to
grind their teeth &
reminding me of the
blessing my eventual
culling from this
idiot herd
will be

just keep those drugs handy
& quiet please
while I watch 
this light bleed out

only now do I realize
it was all that ever mattered
not the food 
not the sex nor the
anything else

I’m only sorry I never
caught this sooner.

from the forthcoming Nymphomagic Electroshock &
Other Middle-Aged Complaints (2011, 2017)