Sunday, July 09, 2017

Thoughts on Today’s Sermon, Whatever That Was About

Seriously, did you ever sit there in church, and it’s time for the sermon, and it starts off’re thinking, “Hey, this is all right. Maybe I’ll finally grow up a bit and learn to listen to these things.” But then the man at the pulpit keeps talking...and talking...until you forget how he even started. You’re not even sure what he’s talking about right now. You just want this to be over. 

Honestly, if your name isn’t George Carlin or Richard Pryor, you’ve got no business running your mouth at people for 15-25 minutes straight. Don’t even get me started about teachers at school who can yap-yap-yappity-yap nonstop for 50 minutes, and then get annoyed when their time is up, because it physically distresses these sick, pathological narcissists to give up their captive audiences. 

What’s sad is that preachers have a message to preach, and most of the ones I’ve met don’t have the sadistic streak I’ve seen in teachers and assistant professors. But somehow it seems to be an inviolable rule that the sermon can be no less than 20 minutes long. I know that, back in the day, sermons—or any speech by a politician, by that matter—could go on for hours. Hours. And people sat there and...listened? It doesn’t seem possible after a while. 

Don’t even think of blaming this on the supposedly shortened attention spans of our electronic age. Humans weren’t meant to endure such prolonged torture. The next time you sit through a sermon, and it gets to the part where you doubt you’re even hearing it in your native language anymore, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It feels wrong, because it is wrong.