Saturday, May 13, 2017

A Hungry Witch Takes ‘em in Batches

Investigating the disappearance of a student film crew in woods rumored to be haunted by a 300-year-old witch, all that was left for the next batch of intrepid investigators was the remains of the second group’s vehicle, its decay curiously accelerated for what was reportedly a well-preserved antique when last seen in Burkittsville, Maryland, six weeks ago.

No film footage was found, which is unfortunate, as it was presumed to be mildly amusing, with many surprise celebrity guest stars doing the voices in the woods. Some say they should have taken Batman along, but I’m certain the Darknight Detective would understand the substantial difference between dealing with the psychotically insane Joker, who can at least be physically confronted, and the psychotically evil Kelly Edwards, who only shows herself when it’s already over for you. No, Gotham City is far, far safer than these woods near Burkittsville, Maryland. Those meddling kids and their stupid dog were on their own. This is all that’s left. And now the lesson is yours....